elsagold: the WUMBLOG

if fallopian tube jokes frighten you, you best be glad that this is the internet and not real life.
~ Wednesday, December 29 ~
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Of all the Christmas photos we have taken, this one is clearly the most important. 
This year, my family is celebrating Christmas Jewish-style, complete with spurning a real tree, eating at a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner, and opening our presents whenever we feel like it/manage to rouse dad from epic after-work naps in the big recliner.
Yesterday, December 28th, was one of those times, so we opened a few gifts. I should preface this by saying that some of the presents under our tree were objects that my dad had simply taken from around the house and wrapped in wrapping paper. 
Hence my sister’s gift: Two DVDs that we have owned for a few years already, embellished with his special brand of quirky genius and off-kilter English:
“For Sunmee (her Korean name) from the Space”
“2001 Odyssey of the mind The dawn of her intelligence”
“2010 Sunmee graduate MIT!”
Meanwhile, my dad gave me Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket. Freud came over later and told me that this means my silly narcoleptic father thinks my sister is an MIT genius who descended from space like a god-alien and that I’m a crazy violent fighter dude with forest eyebrows. Not to mention that my mother asked to be gifted underwear from her children because that’s some sort of Korean tradition (hello, Emperor Kim, originator of awkward Korean traditions, that is totally awkward).
Basically, my fambily is just perfect.

Of all the Christmas photos we have taken, this one is clearly the most important. 

This year, my family is celebrating Christmas Jewish-style, complete with spurning a real tree, eating at a Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner, and opening our presents whenever we feel like it/manage to rouse dad from epic after-work naps in the big recliner.

Yesterday, December 28th, was one of those times, so we opened a few gifts. I should preface this by saying that some of the presents under our tree were objects that my dad had simply taken from around the house and wrapped in wrapping paper. 

Hence my sister’s gift: Two DVDs that we have owned for a few years already, embellished with his special brand of quirky genius and off-kilter English:

“For Sunmee (her Korean name) from the Space”

“2001 Odyssey of the mind The dawn of her intelligence”

“2010 Sunmee graduate MIT!”

Meanwhile, my dad gave me Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket. Freud came over later and told me that this means my silly narcoleptic father thinks my sister is an MIT genius who descended from space like a god-alien and that I’m a crazy violent fighter dude with forest eyebrows. Not to mention that my mother asked to be gifted underwear from her children because that’s some sort of Korean tradition (hello, Emperor Kim, originator of awkward Korean traditions, that is totally awkward).

Basically, my fambily is just perfect.

Tags: family
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~ Tuesday, December 14 ~
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Things my Extended Korean Family Says

  • [My parents and I went down to LA last weekend to celebrate my Grandma's 90th birthday with the rest of the Kim clan. Here, we are gathered around my grandma's dinner table, watching as she opens gifts.]
  • Me: (laugh)
  • Grandma: (something in Korean I can't understand)
  • Everyone: (laughs)
  • Me: What did she say?
  • Grandma: Why you laugh like a boy??
  • ---
  • Dad: You should find a Korean boyfriend. Then you can speak Korean with him.
  • Me: I can't just find a Korean boyfriend. They're not all weird like you, Dad.
  • Dad: I'm glad.
  • Me: What? Why glad?
  • Dad: I'm glad you had a good father.
  • ---
  • Me: Why don't you move to the west coast? Your whole family is here.
  • Uncle Jay, an older and curmudgeonly uncle: There is nothing for me to do here.
  • Me: There's a lot for you to do here; the weather is so nice --
  • Uncle Jay: My doctor is there. My pool is there. My gym is there.
  • Me: You realize all those things exist on the West Coast, right?
  • Uncle Jay: (pretends to be asleep)
Tags: family
4 notes
~ Friday, December 10 ~
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THINGS MY PARENTS SAY:

I was watching this video of Katy Perry singing Firework on Ellen. My mom, working at her computer, overheard.

Mom: What is THAT?
Mom: I would be embarrassed to put that on Youtube.
Mom: Is she suffering?
Mom: It sounds like she is suffering.

—-

At dinner with Ken, their employee:


Mom (describing a patient): She was a drummer, and a waitress, and she used to be a journalist for the LATimes
Me: So basically, she was cool.
Dad: Did she have a mustache?
Mom: No.
Dad: She wasn’t cool. She needs a mustache to be cool.

—-

[It’s morning, and I’m just waking up in my room. My parents come in.]
Dad: You have to come see my poo! It’s so long and straight. It’s this long!
Me [sits up in bed]: Ungghhh… what?
Mom [crawls under covers]: This bed is so good!
(I look back at her and all I can see is a little poof of hair peeking out from the comforter)

—-

Dad: Where’s the party tonight?
Me: I told you - the Academy of Arts and Sciences.
Dad: Who’s hosting?
Me: Facebook.
Dad: Bring your face.

—-

Dad [to my mother]: YoungHee, can you go look at it and flush the toilet for me?

Tags: family
4 notes
~ Sunday, November 29 ~
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Things My Family Has Said, Thanksgiving Break edition

kambr:

“She’s going to fall in love with the male model. That’s very tacky.” -My dad, ruining the end of “Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2” (shortly followed with, “Don’t fall in love with a male model. Oh, that girl’s going to fall in love with that Korean guy.”)

“Why is he there? He got a pizza. He should be at home eating the pizza.” -My mom, on Michael’s surprise appearance at the end of “The Princess Diaries”

Playing Scattergories:
Things to do on a date, letter R
Dad: “Rook”!
Me: What’s “rook”?
Dad: “Rook”! Rook out the window!

Things with balls, letter P (this actually happened):
Elsa: “Penis”.
Me: I already put “penis”!
Elsa: I know. I’m not going to take your answer.
Dad: I put “penis”.

Things to do with leftover turkey, letter N
Mom: “Stew”!

Facts. All of these events actually factually happened.

Tags: family humor jess
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reblogged via kambr
~ Monday, January 12 ~
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  • Me: Hey, dad, did you ever run primal scream?
  • Dad: Yeah.
  • Me: You know what that is, right, dad? When kids run naked around Harvard Yard before finals?
  • Dad: Yeah.
  • Me: Dad, you went to MIT.
  • Dad: Yeah. We did that. What's primal scream?
Tags: bestof family
1 note
~ Sunday, October 26 ~
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My parents are coming this weekend!
Here is a picture of them in my room last year, a picture which has never seen the light of day until now. I love it, though. They’re so relaxed.
Multi-tasking at multi-million times hyperspeed is the status quo in my family. My dad, an internal medicine doctor, takes such long strides that my mom has to take two hop-steps to keep up. My sister is an EMT-blogger-hardworking MIT premed student-dancer-taekwondo fighter-social crazy-baker supreme, and my mom has shifted from running our lives and my dad’s office to running a heartscan center - ask her to talk about it and she might never stop. But when my family actually slows down and relaxes together, usually during Sunday brunch or with some other delicious delicious food, it makes for some of the best times I could ever wish for.
Because my family’s actually also CRAZY.
(on an unrelated note, my sister and I have both met Michel Gondry, but on completely separate occasions. Unfortunately, he was more funny when he met her. Typical.)

My parents are coming this weekend!

Here is a picture of them in my room last year, a picture which has never seen the light of day until now. I love it, though. They’re so relaxed.

Multi-tasking at multi-million times hyperspeed is the status quo in my family. My dad, an internal medicine doctor, takes such long strides that my mom has to take two hop-steps to keep up. My sister is an EMT-blogger-hardworking MIT premed student-dancer-taekwondo fighter-social crazy-baker supreme, and my mom has shifted from running our lives and my dad’s office to running a heartscan center - ask her to talk about it and she might never stop. But when my family actually slows down and relaxes together, usually during Sunday brunch or with some other delicious delicious food, it makes for some of the best times I could ever wish for.

Because my family’s actually also CRAZY.

(on an unrelated note, my sister and I have both met Michel Gondry, but on completely separate occasions. Unfortunately, he was more funny when he met her. Typical.)

Tags: bestof family
~ Friday, August 15 ~
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NOBODY’S allergic to stone!!
— My mother, triumphantly, in response to a Scattergories answer to the category “Things you are allergic to” beginning with the letter S
Tags: bestof family
~ Sunday, June 29 ~
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My first day home

Within 22 hours of being home, my parents have already:
- Confined me to the minivan while they shuttled broken computers between their Walnut Creek office and Compumart
- (Mom) forced me to wear my antique-finish gold Harvard ring (which mom made me buy) for the symphony 
- (Dad) gave me the invaluable advice that I ‘should not spend $10, but earn $10’ when I asked him if I could subscribe to Wired Magazine

See, my parents do not obviously abuse me, which makes me seem rawther spoilt when I complain that I’m bored at home. But I believe their treatment of me upon my return home after half a year could classify as some sort of mild perversity when compared to typical traditions of greeting celebrations. I can’t wait till they:

- Speak only in Korean to me, saying each word louder while ever widening their eyes, as if their pupils will shoot linguistic-knowledge lasers into my brain
- Tell me that I should work on their business website, go swimming, and get employed at Pixar, disregarding my internship at an alternative newspaper
- Point at some assortment of homeless people as we drive though San Francisco, and highlighting all those features that I share with these individuals.

My parents aren’t all that bad, though. At least they still feed me and all.

Tags: bestof family